Back in The Game: An Old Friend Returns to A4A
Timendi causa est nescire: "Ignorance is the cause of fear." - Seneca
Hi everyone, my name's Johnny C, and I'm a long-time friend of Angels for Angels, returning to blog again and share some insights on leadership, social enterprise, and working in the field.
I've been a friend of A4A's founder Mikel for over ten years now, after having met him in our graduate program in the University of California, San Diego's school of International Relations and Pacific Studies, now known as the school of Global Policy Studies.
In the past ten years, I have had a lot of time to reflect on my experiences and insights that are directly related to A4A's values and mission, which I'm sharing here with you today in this first post in a short series of life lessons, which will explore the following themes: 1) Who determines whether you are "worthy" of doing great things, 2) What actually working in the field is like, 3) The importance of working with others, especially in other cultures, 4) Pausing instead of quitting, 5) Living the dream NOW and all day every day instead of merely daydreaming about it.
So let's get things started: in the past ten years, my story begins with me dropping out of my graduate program--I didn't even finish the first year of our two-year course! It was a very difficult time because I was holding on tightly to the belief that without a graduate degree, I was unprepared, unqualified, unworthy, and unwanted. As I was moving out of my apartment, I was in a state of panic, excitement, bewilderment, and general confusion: how could I save the world? How could I make a difference? How could I prove that I was somebody instead of a nobody? All of those questions didn't even need a decade to be answered--they were all resolved within the first summer after dropping out of my program.
If there's anything I can say, it's that people do not care about your title, your degrees, your money, or your good looks, they care about how you make them feel. From NGOs to reality television, blogging about yoga and pop culture, joining the Peace Corps, working in the Asian Development Bank, and even learning ancient martial arts, I've had a very colorful decade where the one constant was--and still is--the universe and its inhabitants want you to be you. Without going into too many details, I've found myself in ancient temples in Cambodia's Angkor Wat to the distant seas of the Indonesian archipelago, the deserts of Tanzania to the mountains of the Russian caucasus. I've met amazing individuals and friends, and literally given my life and blood for causes that I care about. Whether it is helping with food security or bringing in funds for a children's hospital, taking pictures and making informative videos for various projects in countries like Sri Lanka and East Timor, I was able to do it because I recognized the skills I already had that I didn't know were valuable, and more importantly, recognized my own.
Let's break this down a bit into lessons and actions (and add a little more while we are at it!):
1) "People do not care about your title, your degrees, your money, or your good looks, they care about how you make them feel" Have you ever thought about how much someone's MBA makes you like them when they cut in line at the coffee shop yakking on their phone to order something and don't even bother tipping? Do you feel the need to keep quiet when someone with a master's degree insists that they deserve to sit in the chairs on the train that are reserved for handicapped, seniors, and pregnant women? If you said no, then you already understand that titles, pieces of paper, and everything else aren't as important when analyzing if you like a person or not, let alone their worth. People care about how you make them feel. The little things from your consideration that goes beyond saying "Please" and "Thank you" into offering to help out and expecting nothing, using your ear phones instead of making people around you suffer by playing music or videos on your phone speakers, and even the way you smile and engage with people without looking at your phone all affect what they think about you.
Do you worry about what other people think about you? Well guess what: other people worry about what you think about them. By demonstrating in small acts that even you may not think are a big deal, it means the world to them because you validate their existence. When I had dropped out of my graduate program at IRPS, I still had an internship in Indonesia to look forward to that was only going to be three months, and no plans aside from "wanting to do good and help people" however that may look like. Near the university was a vitamin store where I saw the same man working there in the University of Ohio Buckeyes sweater, who became familiar with me because of how I'd say good afternoon and ask how he was, chat, and buy what he recommended. Before we knew it, we got into a conversation that was one of many moments of serendipity, not hurt by being friendly and kind.
David, the man whom I befriended, told me that he felt comfortable around me and that something about me was different that made him want to open up to me, and I discovered that he was a sponsor for a child for a program that was what brought him a lot of joy...and very slowly, we discovered in that conversation that his sponsored child was for the same organization I was going to intern for in the same country I was going to as well. I got the idea to record him for a video documentary in the event I ever ran into his sponsored child, but no promises....until I found out when I got to Indonesia that one of my field assignments was taking me to the very same village and province that his sponsored child was living in, and that story can be seen in this video linked here: https://vimeo.com/50782893 This story happened simply because I was sincere, kind, friendly, and I cared enough to know about another person's story instead of getting stuck in my own story. By remembering that everyone wants to be seen and heard in their own way, are all facing their own struggles, have their own hopes and dreams, you make things less about you even in conflict and recognize that you go from your story to their story to your story together.
2) "The universe and its inhabitants want you to be you." Let's be clear that you don't need all sorts of degrees and titles to get anything done--but there's also nothing wrong with getting them when you've earned them. What is important to note is that like the clothes you wear, they don't define you, but they are an expression of who you are and contribute to how people see and react to you.
One of the things that you have to ask yourself is what you want to do. Followed by this, you need to ask who you want to be. Let me save you a decade: do you and be you. What I wanted to do (and still want to do) is to help people. What I thought I needed to do was all sorts of things, from considering law school to going to grad school at IRPS and then I could be "guy with a good degree who will have everyone throw themselves at me to help me be who I want to be and do what I want to do." This was obviously a mistake because I didn't do my due diligence: that was not the guy I would become with a degree, it was the wrong attitude going on, one of entitlement that would only lead to more entitlement coming out had I received my Master's degree.
Who I wanted to be was a loveable, sensitive, artistic, playful, and naughty me who can connect with people on a personal level rather than hiding behind my CV or degree. When you set out to be a leader, you have already made a mistake. Being a leader is the process and analysis that comes from recognizing your effort. So you don't need a title, you can incorporate leadership at all levels, whether it is deciding to take the initiative to record notes at a meeting without being asked and then giving your own insight from what you've jotted down that others may have missed, recognizing their own preferences and skills. Jeremy Lin wasn't a star player like Michael Jordan for leading in slam dunks when he played in the NBA, he was a star player because of his assists. He didn't seek the spotlight, he took it upon himself to recognize how his teammates played and he set out to encourage their specialization, while recognizing his role in the process. And all his fans saw this, just like people will see you.
The best way to be you is to recognize that everything else is merely a different hat, necktie, pair of shoes, and bag you carry with you, which can be changed at any time. In the end, it's you being you, not what you're wearing, what you're driving, or how much you pay that defines you, those should instead be seen as expressions of who you are and what you do rather than superficial definitions.
3) "I was able to do it because I recognized the skills I already had that I didn't know were valuable, and more importantly, recognized my own." Before I started my internship, I was panicking because I was awarded the position based on being in my graduate program. I quickly informed them because it was the ethical thing to do, and surprisingly, they were quick to accommodate and inform me that while they would still take me for the position as everything was set up, they couldn't provide for me as much of a stipend since I wouldn't receive the departmental funding that all students would get for their summer internships. As my graduate program was focused on econometrics, I applied based on what I was good at: writing, photography, and creativity, and I was in the process of learning videography too because it's an extension of that artist's eye. In other words: I was a communicator, an artist, and very hands-on, but I was ignoring my own skills and trying to learn something I didn't want to be good at and had zero interest in, I just wanted the degree and was hoping to forget econometrics after getting it so I could focus on my skills.
This was a faux pas because the better way to go about it would have been to focus on my writing, photography, and learning more videography-related skills instead of applying to a program that uses none of those skills and focuses on numbers, one of my weaker skills. There is a tendency for people to think that they have to be good at "in demand" skills and so they take the gold rush approach, whether it's learning coding or going to law school. They look at the income and hear the stories of people who have become successful as a result of those programs and having those skills. What they are not noticing is that these people wanted that and were interested in it, and like me, I was too focused on the end goal rather than the details of the journey. I wasn't meant to ride the graduate degree in econometrics train to success, I was meant to get on a Harley Davidson motorcycle blasting Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" causing mischief and mayhem while spreading joy and goodwill before letting success find me instead. It is very easy to devalue yourself and think you don't know or don't have what it takes to succeed. This is not true.
What is often missing is the right insight, framework, guidance, and support to recognize where your strengths are, nurture them, and acquire the skills that feed your strengths. A good way to recognize your strengths is to look at what you do during your free time. When you have nothing to do, and you don't want to watch television or hop on social media, what gets your attention? If you think all you do is watch Netflix and text your friends about the newest season of Cobra Kai, you may actually have skills to not just be a critic, but to analyze and discuss, engage and relate, and build relationships. If you spend a lot of time posting memes on social media, you may understand SEO marketing and how to do market research. If you like meeting up with friends for whiskey or coffee, you just may be good at event management or organizing team building exercises. Always remember that the skills you acquire and develop will lead you to inadvertently acquiring related skills along the way. It just speeds up the process of it by being aware of your strengths and interests. It's a good idea to keep a journal and to talk with people so that even if you don't see your own innate talents, they might see them. The only reason I was able to embrace my skills and talents was because others pointed them out to me, but the biggest challenge was accepting that these were worthwhile skills that could not only be monetized, but are also very valuable towards achieving my hopes and dreams.
